Wednesday, 3 February 2016

My belated new year resolutions

I cringe at the cheesy clichedness of this statement, but 2016 is going to be my year. I really totally mean it. I am absolutely determined. Making the adjustment to single parent last year made me realise so so much. Mainly, it made me notice how much i hold myself back. There is so many things i want to do, and so few reasons as to why i have not done them. There is so much i want to change. 

So, this is going to be the year it happens. Or at least begins to anyway. 

I want to address my mental health issues. And keep re addressing them, over and over again, however many times it takes. I want to reach a point where i am not longer controlled by them. Whatever it takes, i need to do it. I have lost so much to depression and anxiety and all of the horribleness that comes with it. I do not want to continue to taint mine and Betsy's days with it. I am on new meds for my anxiety, alongside my regular ones. I am finally biting the bullet and going for CBT, and i am going to stick at it and keep going with it. I have so much that i know i need to deal with in order to move on from this horribleness. And i am so determined to do it.

I am going to start an access course at college. I am going to start hopefully this September, if not definitely next one. I am going to organise myself and my finances to enable this to happen. For so so long i have wanted to be a social worker. I want to work with children and families. Doing an access course will enable me to go on to do my degree, so that i can become one. 

I am going to pass my driving test! Yes, i may have said this every year for the last 5 years, but this year i am definitely going to do it. 

I am going to learn to cook. Obviously i already know how to cook, but i mean really cook. I'm going to start eating healthier, I'm going to stop being so lazy and ignorant to my health. This has been kick started by the fact that i have gone up nearly two dress sizes in recent months! But also because it is simply not good to survive on chocolate and not much else. I am tired all the time and always feel sluggish and i put it largely down to my diet. More water, more veg, more healthy cooking. Less chocolate. We'll see how i get on with that one...

I am going make sure i have 'me time'. I am going to go out more, see friends, do whatever it is that makes me happy. I'm going to be selfish every now and then. I'm going to put more effort into my appearance, and not constantly feel that being a mum is an excuse to look like a state each and every day of my life. I am going to try and stop dwelling on the bad stuff, and getting worked up over the small things, and just be. 

And of course, most importantly, i am going to be the absolute best i can be for Betsy.