Wednesday, 4 March 2015

My birth story: Part one

It started the early hours of Friday 29th November. I couldn't sleep and felt very achy and crampy, not myself. I had my first contraction at around 9am, although at the time I didn't realise that this was what it was. I had a shower and got dressed and had a couple more in this time, but tried to ignore it as I had had so many false starts that I didn't want to get my hopes up. I carried on as normal throughout the morning, having a few pains here and there. It wasn't until just after 12pm that I had one that stopped me in my tracks and made me realise what was happening. I just knew that this was it. I text Ashley to tell him, he was at work but due to finish at half 12. I sat waiting for him to come home, anxious and terrified but excited too. I had a little cry to myself. Once he was home we went to my mum in laws, I cant really remember much about being there as I was lost in a bubble of emotion. The contractions weren't regular or even that painful, but I remember feeling like I was about to burst into tears the whole time we were there.

We went home that evening and had tea, watched T.V and carried on as usual, except I bounced away on my exercise ball. I tried to go up to bed but couldn't sleep and began to feel uncomfortable. I came downstairs and remained there all night, with contractions coming every 10 minutes. I woke Ashley up at some point during the night to run me a bath. I was in (what I naively thought was) a lot of pain, and I didn't really know what to do with myself. I had one of the music channels on the TV in the background to try and distract myself with and just as I was breathing through a particularly painful contraction Pharrell's song 'Happy' came on, and I was extremely close to punching the TV. I rang the birthing centre to tell them, and they suggested I take some paracetamol, try to get some sleep and not to come in until contractions were about 5 minutes apart. I wanted to punch them too.

Ashley was up at 7ish and came downstairs, and my contractions stopped just like that. I was furious. We had some breakfast and then went out for a walk, around the road he used to live along as a kid, and then to the park to feed the ducks. About halfway round the park they started up again. When we got home they really kicked in and I became a bit panicky as I was convinced the pain was a sign that I was going to give birth at any moment. Ashley rang the hospital, who told us to come in. The drive there was possibly the most strangest one of my life, I was struggling so much with the pain and don't feel like I remember a single thing about it, yet when I really think about it so much comes back to me.

When we arrived we walked into the birthing unit and a midwife came over to me as I was mid contraction, said something along the lines of me being ready and led me into the birthing pool room. I sat on the exercise ball while she asked questions about things I cannot remember. She then used aromatherapy oils to massage my lower back throughout my contractions, something which I had always thought I would like when I was in labour. I quickly found out this was not the case and I hated it, but I let her carry on as I didn't want her to think I was being rude by asking her to stop. Which makes me laugh when I think about the obscenities that were being screamed out of my mouth come the end.

At some point I was helped to strip off and get into the pool. Throughout my pregnancy I had really found water to be soothing and was convinced a water birth would really help me in labour. A couple of contractions in and I wasn't so sure. I was in such a lot of pain. I had made it very clear to Ashley and my midwives that I wanted a natural birth with no pain relief, I had specifically told him that no matter how much I beg and plead for anything, to tell me no. I was so convinced that I was going to do it with nothing. Which looking back, makes me laugh. What was I trying to prove?! And to who?

I digress.

So, yes, I had told him to continually remind me that I didn't want pain relief. So I sat in that bloody pool in agony. I began to start panicking, and telling myself that I could not do this, something bad was going to happen. The midwife suggested I use some gas and air, which I was very reluctant about as I was so sure it would make me sick, which combined with the state I was in wasn't something I wanted to happen. But I took it anyway, out of sheer desperation. It didn't make me sick, but it didn't make a blind bit of difference either. I kept at it for a good few contractions, wondering if I was doing it wrong. Still nothing. I began to get panicky again and felt massively overwhelmed, and started repeatedly asking for something else. At first Ashley tried his best to reassure me and remind me of what I had said, but pretty soon he realised none of that mattered and that I NEEDED SOMETHING.

I asked the midwife for Pethidine. Well that's a lie, I didn't ask, I begged. And she told me to think about the effect it would have on my baby if I had it. How it would make my baby feel, was it really necessary etc. I totally appreciate I had told her I didn't want any pain relief and she was probably just trying to help me to focus on a natural birth, but I cant help feel a little bit pissed off that she said this to me, to be honest. That was the very last thing I wanted to hear, and I'm sure there were better ways of getting me to focus rather then making me feel selfish and like I didn't care about my baby. Both me and Ashley (thank god he was there too) insisted that I had it, by this point I was starting to lose my mind and I was absolutely petrified.

End of part one!

Find part two HERE.
Find part three HERE.


  1. Noooo you can't stop there.....

  2. Eeek can't wait for part two! xxx

  3. Ahh I applaud you for writing all this down. My brain hurts when I try to think back to my little one's birth! I think I've half blocked out most of it, but reading this brings it all back... you have inspired me to write my own experience down - thank you! X #mummymonday

  4. EEk can't stop a birth story half way haah! I wish I had written mine down at the time as I do remember it but bits of it are a bit of a blue, shame!Thanks for linking up and hope to see you again tomorrow! #MummyMonday xx