My birth story: Part one

It started the early hours of Friday 29th November. I couldn't sleep and felt very achy and crampy, not myself. I had my first contraction at around 9am, although at the time I didn't realise that this was what it was. I had a shower and got dressed and had a couple more in this time, but tried to ignore it as I had had so many false starts that I didn't want to get my hopes up. I carried on as normal throughout the morning, having a few pains here and there. It wasn't until just after 12pm that I had one that stopped me in my tracks and made me realise what was happening. I just knew that this was it. I text Ashley to tell him, he was at work but due to finish at half 12. I sat waiting for him to come home, anxious and terrified but excited too. I had a little cry to myself. Once he was home we went to my mum in laws, I cant really remember much about being there as I was lost in a bubble of emotion. The contractions weren't regular or even that painful, but I remember feeling like I was about to burst into tears the whole time we were there.

We went home that evening and had tea, watched T.V and carried on as usual, except I bounced away on my exercise ball. I tried to go up to bed but couldn't sleep and began to feel uncomfortable. I came downstairs and remained there all night, with contractions coming every 10 minutes. I woke Ashley up at some point during the night to run me a bath. I was in (what I naively thought was) a lot of pain, and I didn't really know what to do with myself. I had one of the music channels on the TV in the background to try and distract myself with and just as I was breathing through a particularly painful contraction Pharrell's song 'Happy' came on, and I was extremely close to punching the TV. I rang the birthing centre to tell them, and they suggested I take some paracetamol, try to get some sleep and not to come in until contractions were about 5 minutes apart. I wanted to punch them too.

Ashley was up at 7ish and came downstairs, and my contractions stopped just like that. I was furious. We had some breakfast and then went out for a walk, around the road he used to live along as a kid, and then to the park to feed the ducks. About halfway round the park they started up again. When we got home they really kicked in and I became a bit panicky as I was convinced the pain was a sign that I was going to give birth at any moment. Ashley rang the hospital, who told us to come in. The drive there was possibly the most strangest one of my life, I was struggling so much with the pain and don't feel like I remember a single thing about it, yet when I really think about it so much comes back to me.

When we arrived we walked into the birthing unit and a midwife came over to me as I was mid contraction, said something along the lines of me being ready and led me into the birthing pool room. I sat on the exercise ball while she asked questions about things I cannot remember. She then used aromatherapy oils to massage my lower back throughout my contractions, something which I had always thought I would like when I was in labour. I quickly found out this was not the case and I hated it, but I let her carry on as I didn't want her to think I was being rude by asking her to stop. Which makes me laugh when I think about the obscenities that were being screamed out of my mouth come the end.

At some point I was helped to strip off and get into the pool. Throughout my pregnancy I had really found water to be soothing and was convinced a water birth would really help me in labour. A couple of contractions in and I wasn't so sure. I was in such a lot of pain. I had made it very clear to Ashley and my midwives that I wanted a natural birth with no pain relief, I had specifically told him that no matter how much I beg and plead for anything, to tell me no. I was so convinced that I was going to do it with nothing. Which looking back, makes me laugh. What was I trying to prove?! And to who?

I digress.

So, yes, I had told him to continually remind me that I didn't want pain relief. So I sat in that bloody pool in agony. I began to start panicking, and telling myself that I could not do this, something bad was going to happen. The midwife suggested I use some gas and air, which I was very reluctant about as I was so sure it would make me sick, which combined with the state I was in wasn't something I wanted to happen. But I took it anyway, out of sheer desperation. It didn't make me sick, but it didn't make a blind bit of difference either. I kept at it for a good few contractions, wondering if I was doing it wrong. Still nothing. I began to get panicky again and felt massively overwhelmed, and started repeatedly asking for something else. At first Ashley tried his best to reassure me and remind me of what I had said, but pretty soon he realised none of that mattered and that I NEEDED SOMETHING.

I asked the midwife for Pethidine. Well that's a lie, I didn't ask, I begged. And she told me to think about the effect it would have on my baby if I had it. How it would make my baby feel, was it really necessary etc. I totally appreciate I had told her I didn't want any pain relief and she was probably just trying to help me to focus on a natural birth, but I cant help feel a little bit pissed off that she said this to me, to be honest. That was the very last thing I wanted to hear, and I'm sure there were better ways of getting me to focus rather then making me feel selfish and like I didn't care about my baby. Both me and Ashley (thank god he was there too) insisted that I had it, by this point I was starting to lose my mind and I was absolutely petrified.



End of part one!


Find part two HERE.

Find part three HERE.